


Drunk

by losthpfanficwriter (erbkaiser)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Jokes, Morally Ambiguous Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2019-11-26 05:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18176747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erbkaiser/pseuds/losthpfanficwriter
Summary: Harry and Ron find themselves at a pub where all the beer is almost free. How can they run a business like that?





	Drunk

'Oi Mate yer my best mate y'are,' slurred Ron Weasley, as he was hanging over Harry's shoulder.  
'I luv ya man. And Herms luvs ya. We both luvs ya,' he belted out, as Harry guided him through Hogsmeade village's streets.  
'I think she luvs ya more than I do mate. She always talks about ya. Good ting ya stopped by t'day.'

Harry expertly maneuvered Ron around a passing cart, 'No problem mate. You know I love seeing her. I mean you both.'

'Ya! I dunno why she canna get that damn painting in our bedroom straight, is she a witch or isn' she? I try, but she says it is still crooked. Yer' a damn fine mate fer going upstairs with her and setting it right,' Ron grinned.  
'What'cha do anyway tha' took so long? Surprise her with a prank or somewhut? She was screaming her head off at one point, looked all flushed, and her hair was all messed up when ya two finelly came back downstairs. Good on ya mate to get me some firewhiskey while I waited.'

Ron flashed him a wide smile. 'Ya need to visit Madam Malkins I think tho... yer trousers weren't even on right when ye came to collect me. Harry mate I tells ya, you should be wearing robes like all real wizards.'

'Sure thing Ron, but you know with my Quidditch career and my part time Hitwizard work, I prefer more athletic clothes. Speaking of Quidditch, how are the Cannons doing?'

'Hah! Ye wish ye knew right mate? Shouldna hav' dumped my ickle sis ye bastard. Ginny's their new Chaser, they actually scored a goal last match!'

'Oh Ron, you know Ginny and I didn't work out,' Harry laughed, guiding his drunk friend past some shoppers.  
'She wanted to get married and pop out a sprog, you know I'm too active for that with Quidditch, the Ministry, and my own company.'

'Ya... at least Herms has her priorities straight,' Ron grinned, feebly trying to slap Harry's arm away as he was prevented from doing a face plant.  
'She's three months along... amazing witch she is. I didn't know Muggles could get pregnant while their husbands were away, you know I was in Romania with Charley for a half year back then.'

'Yeah Ron, pretty amazing,' Harry agreed. 'But don't worry, I kept your wife safe and happy while you were out.  
'Oh, here we are,' he opened the door to the Hog's Head Inn, and guided his totally drunk friend inside.

Behind the bar stood Dennis Creevey. 'Hey Harry, hey Ron. The guys are waiting for you in the back!'

'Thanks Dennis,' Harry greeted him. 'Let me drop off this drunken sod and we'll have a chat, all right?'

'Fine with me Har. The drinks ar ready for you!'

Harry maneuvered Ron to the further table, manned by Dean Thomas, Draco Malfoy and his husband Blaise (the biggest surprise couple of the after war years, not in the least that ever since his coming out Draco had actually turned into a pleasant person), and Wayne Hopkins, who now worked with Ron as a low ranking Auror.  
'Gentlemen! I bring you, one drunken Weasley!' Harry called, and dumped Ron in a chair.  
Harry left Ron to get re-acquainted while he got up to get some beer.  
'Hey Dennis, a beer for me and Ron all right?'

'Sure thing Har, one sickle,' Dennis grinned.

'One sickle? You sure?' Dennis nodded, and Harry flipped the coin, 'thanks mate!'

A round of drinks later, Harry volunteered to get the next drinks, as the others were well and fully sloshed.  
'Oi Dennis, six more beers all right?'

'One sickle,' Dennis called back.

'Err... okay mate, thanks,' Harry handed him the sickle, and returned with the beer.  
" _With those prices, I can understand that the bar is so damn busy_ ," he thought to himself.  
Another few beers later Harry was still not feeling the buzz. 'Hey guys, how about we switch to firewhiskey?'

'Good call Harry,' said Draco, 'but you'll have to get Ron to bed if he passes out again. I've got my Blaise, and you know Wayne can just crash in the back again should he need to.'

'Yeah sure Drake,' Harry agreed, and walked back to the bar.  
'You're having a great night Dennis,' Harry indicated the packed bar. 'Is it some holiday, or did I miss a Quidditch victory?'

'Nah, just doing good business,' Dennis deflected. 'What can I get you?'

'Six firewhiskeys, and maybe some nuts to fill the stomach.'

'Sure Harry,' Dennis handed him a bowl and poured the glasses, 'that'll be one sickle please.'

'Erm Dennis... is everything one sickle today?'

'Yes, yes it is,' his former school mate grinned.

'Not that it is any of my business... but why?'

'Well you see Harry, you know I run this place for Seamus Finnigan, right?'

'Yeah, you and your Romilda,' Harry agreed. 'Ever since Aberforth retired and left England Seamus has owned this pub, and you and Romilda basically do his job for him.'

'Right,' Dennis nodded. 'And you know Seamus is an arsehole, and Romilda still a major slut right? If I hadn't knocked her up during the war celebrations, I'd never have married her. I was still grieving over Colin, and wasn't thinking straight.'

'Yeah, hard times mate,' Harry nodded. 'So why one sickle?'

'Simple. Romilda is with Seamus upstairs, and he is screwing her again. So I am screwing his business.  
'Enjoy your drinks mate!'

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I did steal the old joke.


End file.
